because, well, to be blunt, this is effecting me
I've made mention of Chet in "Sorry for this but...", but I haven't really gotten too in depth about it because, well, that blog isn't the place for it.
I realized I needed a place for the entirity of my, well, release on all of this when I made a post on "Sorry for this but..." hinting at my fear of how I will, at some point in my life, become older than Chet was when he passed away. He was 19. Turning 20 on June 17th, 2009.
I turn 18 on May 17th, 2009.
I paused from writting this to send him a facebook comment (I do it a lot, so do a lot of his friends):
Chelsea Maida My birthday is coming up soon.
I don't like the idea of growing older as you stay the same age.
Your birthday will always pass, and the memory of your living will always be here, but one of the professors who spoke at your service at AI said something that really shook me;
You will always be 19.
Always.
And at some point in my life I will be older than you.
I don't like that.
You were the only person I knew where I didn't think about my age at all, and even during the few times where you'd remember how young I was, it was brushed off and not even thought about twice.
This is the first year I don't want my birthday to come.
I don't want to grow older than you.
5 minutes ago · Comment · LikeUnlike · See Wall-to-Wall
That's pretty much the base of it.
This professor at AI also writes and reads poetry, and he read a poem that helped him when a friend of his died (I think) at a young age.
It pretty much talked about how when a friend dies at a young age (or any age really) and you outlive them, you will always remember them as the age they passes away at. (I guess it's just more extreme at a young age because it becomes a drastic difference in how your life with them was lived then, and how you're living it now, without them, and being older)
In this case, I know Chet as a 19 year old, who I always thought was older, and I was a 17 year old, who he always forgot wasn't older. Like all of my other friends, he's older than me. That's nothing new.
But one of the few things that I hate, because I can't change ("no matter what") is my age.
No matter what happens, I will never be on the same age group as my friends.
Until Chet.
Now I will catch up to him, be the same age, and eventually pass him.
I do not like this.
I do not like this one bit.
I do not like green eggs and ham,
this I swear Sam I am.
I rather stop time than grow older than you,
or even a year closer to you.
I don't want to be 18, and you 19. That's not how it was. I am 17. You are 19.
I want it to stay that way.
My denial has always been a hairy demon,
but it was never a semen demon.
I can't even bare to think about the day I turn 20. OLDER than you.
I've never been older than a best friend of mine,
not even a close friend of mine. EVERYONE IS OLDER.
I can't deal with people younger than me, and you're breaking that chain.
I just don't know what to do really, I just want to stop time and stay with you.
-cm
That's pretty much the base of it.
This professor at AI also writes and reads poetry, and he read a poem that helped him when a friend of his died (I think) at a young age.
It pretty much talked about how when a friend dies at a young age (or any age really) and you outlive them, you will always remember them as the age they passes away at. (I guess it's just more extreme at a young age because it becomes a drastic difference in how your life with them was lived then, and how you're living it now, without them, and being older)
In this case, I know Chet as a 19 year old, who I always thought was older, and I was a 17 year old, who he always forgot wasn't older. Like all of my other friends, he's older than me. That's nothing new.
But one of the few things that I hate, because I can't change ("no matter what") is my age.
No matter what happens, I will never be on the same age group as my friends.
Until Chet.
Now I will catch up to him, be the same age, and eventually pass him.
I do not like this.
I do not like this one bit.
I do not like green eggs and ham,
this I swear Sam I am.
I rather stop time than grow older than you,
or even a year closer to you.
I don't want to be 18, and you 19. That's not how it was. I am 17. You are 19.
I want it to stay that way.
My denial has always been a hairy demon,
but it was never a semen demon.
I can't even bare to think about the day I turn 20. OLDER than you.
I've never been older than a best friend of mine,
not even a close friend of mine. EVERYONE IS OLDER.
I can't deal with people younger than me, and you're breaking that chain.
I just don't know what to do really, I just want to stop time and stay with you.
-cm
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